Another first....31/31

So today was the big day…the big first day of kindergarten. It wasn’t easy…it was really hard. I was very excited for her and she was very nervous…and excited. She was up bright and early this morning, which made for a long morning before school started. She was so nervous…almost terrified…and I was sad…really sad. I kept my sadness back for her and built up the excitement, curiosity about the day, and the adventure that was ahead…I think it helped. We made felt hearts to take with us during the day, a kiss on each heart and we exchanged them…she thought that was really great and kept my heart in her sock (serious cuteness). I only have a few cute pictures to share… honestly in most of the shots she has a look of terror…poor girl.

I stayed out of the house most of the day…wandering aimlessly through stores. For the last 2 hours before I picked her up, I pretty much just stared at the clock and distracted myself unsuccessfully. When it was time to go I rushed to the car, and to the school with eager anticipation….to see her and learn about her day. She was eager too…eager to stay longer and wondering why she wasn’t in the extended day program. Of course this pinched for a second, but then I was proud that she was so excited about school…that she felt secure…that her fears and worries had disappeared.

She is happily home now…tired and energized by her day. She is looking forward to returning to school tomorrow…and honestly I am looking forward to her returning too. I am looking forward to watching her blossom over this next year. As much as I am sad that she is growing so quickly…as much as I feel myself (at times) wishing she was still small…nothing is more amazing than watching her grow. This is going to be a big year for her…a big year of growth and a year of change…a year of change for all of us. It is going to be exciting.

The first day is always so hard, and we always celebrate the firsts, maybe because it makes the bitter sweet seem a little sweeter. Like ripping off a band-aid, the first day has come and gone…she has recovered from the initial shock…but Mama can still feel the sting from the separation.

Checking out the school before we go in....

Loving Sunday...30/31

Today, I am loving Sunday…it is pretty much the only day of the week that we are all home together (there isn’t any soccer on Sunday). We have our regular household tasks to complete on this day, and we run little errands…but the best part is…we do them together. Here is a little window into me loving Sunday….

Bru playing with the hose

Tea party with the babies

fresh cut grass (thanks honey)

blanching almonds with my girl

Getting ready for boxed lunches (carrot sticks)

Making pasta salad...for the boxed lunches

Loving this detergent

And ALWAYS loving her...

Mellow...29/31

Today was a low key day…you could call it a recovery day. Very mellow day. We had a birthday party for a neighbor and that is about all we did. Nice to meet more neighbors and nice to be included in their celebrations.

I started another math class this week so I have been balancing that in the everyday mix. Should be interesting…painful but interesting.

Like I said before…mellow day…off to watch a movie with my honey.

Night


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Oooops....28/31

This is back posted….I missed yesterday, but I wanted to make it up. Not much to say about yesterday. Picked up an old friend and spent the afternoon with her and Tae. Last night we had a function for N’s school. Not sure that it would be considered a school function…more of a party…more party than I have seen in a while (and that's not saying much)…Which explains me missing yesterday’s post. It was fun, I danced. I don’t get to dance that often…except in the living room with T…we love our silly dances.

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A plumber and an open house....27/31

I am not sure where today went. It was busy, yet calm, but fast…too fast. I briefly became a plumber and disassembled some of the piping to the garbage disposal. Broccoli slaw does not travel through the pipes very well. I wasn’t sure what to do…it was NASTY. Best part is…I fixed it and you would never know that I took the pipes off.

Today was Tae’s open house for her new school. Class starts on Monday. It went well, she was happy and I spend a decent amount of time trying to introduce her to as many of the kids as I could. Just trying to make it easier…she has really been missing her old school. I miss it too, it was an amazing place. I really hope we are as happy at the new school.

I am tired and feeling emotional about my girl going to kindergarten…

Night.


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Splish Splash....26/31

Who knew a little frozen yogurt and a splash park could be So.Much.Fun! Two hours later and she still wasn’t ready to go….I just watched in admiration and love…truly an amazing wonder, this girl…ABSOLUTELY a beautiful little person…such a loving heart….ABSOLUTELY beautiful.

And Gum-Drop makes five...25/31

Introducing Tae’s new fish Gum-Drop…he became a member of our family on Saturday, after many days of pleading and money saving by T. Today, Tae and I had a ceremony that consisted of her raising her hand and repeating after me…”I Tae promise to feed Gum-Drop…to not put my hands or toys in Gum-Drop’s bowl…to not move or pick up Gum-Drop….” Then a strange hand clapping & spinning thing that Tae added to (apparently really) seal the deal and make her the official care taker of Gum-Drop and secure his new home in her room.

A Zoo day...24/31

…a relax and enjoy each other day…a we don’t have an agenda day…a play as long as you want day…a wear a wet swimsuit home day…it was a zoo day…a good day… :)

Yeah for us….23/31

Yesterday as I was getting ready to walk out the door to go to our Shorty Bananas event…a certified package from our home study agency came in the mail. We read the first line of the cover letter…”Congratulations you are approved by the State of Arizona….” and then I rushed out the door. Every 45 minutes or so I would say to Sister…”we are approved.!?!?” Tonight N and I sat down and read through our case…read our story through someone else’s eyes and marveled in the happy news. We are excited…SO excited!!!

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Approval!!!!22/31

We received our APPROVED home study today!!!! Yeah for us!!!!

Working....21/31

On items for.....

T is better than me at skee-ball*…20/31

Today was hot. I don’t know that it was any hotter than any other day this week…but today it really got to me. T and I had to do some errands this morning…and then we went and played games. It was fun…but we were hot and when we are too hot we get a little grumpy. So even though we were having fun there was still that grumpiness just under the surface. I don’t like anything to get in the way of our fun time…so, today I am just annoyed at the HOT. I even hyped up a shower for us when we got home…telling her it would cool us down and make us feel better…Only when we got in the shower and only used the cold water…it still came out warm. See what I mean about too hot? I am looking forward to winter.

*I have no idea how to spell skee-ball

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Trust in time....19/31

Focus on what is in front of you. Stop thinking about what is missing. Stop looking at what happened, what should be and in reality, what is not. Stop obsessing about what the future holds, about your goals, desires and dreams. Focus on what is in front of you. See the blessings that you do have, see the importance they do hold. See them, appreciate them, and realize that in reality, right now, they are what matter most. Don’t focus so much on what you want or what you think you need, because you can’t afford to lose sight of today. Live, enjoy, be happy. In time, everything works out. Trust in time.

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Just a moment in our day....18/31

In less than two weeks this beauty will be in school. She is officially a big girl entering kindergarten and attending a full day program. I am excited for her, she is excited, but I will miss some of the moments from our every day routine.

My challenge....17/31

....my REWARD!

Love her...even when she is BURSTING with Attitude (yes with a capital A) and making her mama batty ;)

This picture cracks me up BTW...she heard someone do the LOSER sign/saying and she was trying it out....no worries...she hasn't said it since and she has no idea what it means...she just knew it required Attitude....she has a 6th sense about that Attitude stuff.

Dance Dance....16/31

Too much...15/31

....Working out! I went to a barbell strength training class this morning @ 7:30. I hated it and loved it all at the same time. It was challenging...100 of everything was a bit much. I know I am sore now...I can hardly walk normally...I don't know that I will be able to move tomorrow. The instructor was peppy, REALLY peppy...but then she would yell. She would shout that if you didn't feel the pain you were wasting her time and should leave. Then two seconds later she would give you a loud YOOOHOOO!! It was hysterical...I had to fight back laughing, which is amazing because I was being tortured.

Excuse any typos, I am posting this from my phone. I made my spot on the couch and I don't think I can make it over to the computer...sad, right?

Night :)

Reflection....14/31

I am a reflection of her...she is a reflection of me....

A Garden???...13/31

Tae loved my Dad’s garden while we were in Iowa. She has been talking about all the wonderful veggies she picked (some of which she picked WAY too early) and all the yummy salads she made with her Nana. It made me think that we should start a garden. Arizona is perfect for a winter garden and most of the appropriate veggies are our favorites. Just not sure I can pull it off….can I tackle that challenge too??? The thing is…the time to start planting the seeds (I don’t know the fancy term) is the end of this month…and it is REALLY hot at the end of this month :( I love the thought of fresh veggies but even more so, I love the joy Tae would experience…I think it would be worth the work to have both of those loves, don’t you???

In this picture Tae is trying to convince Poppy that the kale leaves are REALLY big and she should pick them...she also told him that she LOVES kale...However, kale has never been a winner with Tae so she obviously really wanted to pick the leaves.

Home....12/31

We are home…it has been a VERY long day. The trip to the airport was diverted for a trip to Urgent Care…a crazy ear infection for Tae and a freaked out Mama. The flight pretty much SUCKED…Tae was great…plane was small, flight was bumpy, we were seated in front of the stinky port-a-potty…I mean stinky airplane restroom…and again the crazy ear infection I mentioned earlier. Honestly I am an awful plane occupant…my stomach just goes crazy and I literally fight the urge to throw up most of the flight….I am not a fan.

The 109 degree heat greeted us…I think it may have even smiled or snickered at us… but was topped by the 95 degree house without AC. Good times! AC is fixed now. I actually knew that was an issue, but I expected it to be fixed by the time we got to the house. Apparently the repair man was 'running late'…like 2.5 hours late. So now 5+ hours later, the temperature has dropped to 87…which is livable.

Everyone is in bed…I have been staring at my homework and I am realizing….it’s just not going to happen tonight. Tomorrow is another day. I miss my parents and I feel bad that our goodbye was so rushed and chaotic….but it is nice to be home...nice to see my hubby.

I love my beautiful girl….she looks so little in this picture....I can still see her baby face....

Slightly Funny....11/31

Last night I had an awful migraine…the type that make you lose your vision and want to lose your lunch. Honestly I will get little migraines every few months, I am always curious when one does appear (and something else doesn’t…very common for me, btw) because the last time I experienced a really bad migraine…I was pregnant with Tae. That theory has proved itself wrong many times over by now, but I always investigate just to make sure. Mom stopped at the store for me and just a few minutes ago I did the piddle on a pee stick dance and this is what I saw….

Follow by me shouting at the stick …SERIOUSLY…I can’t Believe THIS….what are the CHANCES of THIS happening…MOM get in HERE and take a look at THIS!!! I was determined that I would need to do another one immediately (because who is going to believe this), so we searched for our shoes to head out to the store. I stopped as I reached the front door…something didn't seem quite right… and said… ”let me check the box.” This is what I saw…..

So I am thinking the results are only CLEAR if you read the box! Not a big deal…I guess…pretty funny actually! Mom and I both sat down to catch our breath and let our heart beats catch up to the moment. I should know better by now…apparently my body is my own form of birth control. I am feeling proud that I am able to laugh at this… However, I don’t recommend buying this style of pee test…they have (obviously!) been proven to cause a great deal of confusion. ;)

The simple joys....10/31

Water Fight....9/31

Today we went to a Birthday Party....I think you can see we had a great time :)

Road trip....8/31

Today we decided to hop in the car with Noni & Poppy and drive up to see N at his soccer tournament. Only two hours, an easy drive...with a quick stop at the cheese factory (a regular stop when I was growing up)....the cheese squeaks.....

...and here we are. We are now snuggled in bed watching 'parent trap' :) N heads back to AZ tomorrow but we have a few more days to enjoy.

As a side note it was HOT today!!!

She won't sleep 7/31

Tae won't sleep...I am worn out...time for a midnight run...the little red shoes too!

Wishing it was me...6/31

Today there was a post on the Heart to Heart blog. The post stated that they needed a family for 7 month old twins, one boy & one girl. My heart jumped with excitement and sank with reality all at the same time. I wish they were meant for me, but I knew they weren’t. I immediately emailed our social worker (I couldn't stop myself) and asked for an update on our court case; she informed me that the judge was being “slow.” This just solidified my thoughts that it wasn’t meant to be. I had already placed a call into the agency to find out more information about the babies. I received the return call and felt the little flutter of hope rise in my chest. I thanked the woman for taking the time to talk to me and told her I hoped she didn’t feel I was wasting her time. I told her I just needed to know more about these babies. She was very kind to me on the phone and I am very grateful for that. She told me if it is meant to be, it will happen…which felt bitter sweet as it bounced around in my head. She gave me more information than I needed and I wrote every bit on a piece of paper. When the conversation ended I looked at the words and knew, it wasn’t meant to be.

Tonight I went out for girl’s night with two dear friends. Friends I have known through my childhood. Friends that make me laugh; friends that get me even after years have passed. It was a good night. A night out that I needed, giving me time to feel understood and reconnected. Coming home a few minutes ago I immediately check for the blog post about the babies….and it is gone. Like I said…It wasn’t meant to be….

I am hoping that the post has been removed because they had such an amazing response. I am hoping that they have a stack of amazing families for the birth mother to choose from. I think about balancing two little babies, one in each arm, and I am happy for the mommy (or daddy) who gets to develop that talent. I am happy for them…even though a part of my heart wishes it was me.

Freezing….5/31

Hmmm…..We went to the pool today as I mention yesterday. Brace yourselves for what I am about to say…it was too COLD. We couldn’t really swim. Tae did take the plunge first and went off the diving board, straight into the deep end, swimming like a fish to the side. I was very proud. But seriously, it was too cold. Tae’s lips were a bluish purple within minutes and she has been sneezing since we got home…which kind of sucks.

When we arrived at the pool we noticed a bunch of kids lying directly on the pavement. They were all sprawled out and I was wondering why they weren’t using towels. Once we were in the pool and then out again, I realized it was to get some heat back into their bodies. I know that talking about how cold it was today really gets some of you worked up…those of you back in AZ…sorry, but it was like winter today. I don’t know what we were thinking going to the pool.

This is a picture I took with my phone…you can sort of see the blueness.

Cute quote from Tae at Linner* today as she ate her ice cream…

“Cookies and cream is like a breeze of happiness!”

*Tae and I often disagree on whether we are eating lunch or dinner. Typically we are eating dinner, but Tae always insists that it is lunch. I know it is because she thinks if we are eating lunch that bed time is further away…smart girl. I always compromise and tell her we are eating ‘Linner’ :)

Today was...4/31

….a wonderful day. Lunch with family friends, a few errands, and then I made dinner for more family friends. Noni took Miss Tae for a bike ride, then tubby, short movie and bed. It was a perfect day, hot to some people around here, nice and cool for us. A simple day, we moved to the slower beat of life and enjoyed.

Tomorrow we have a date at the swimming pool…

Take a guess... 3/31

What do you think we did today???

Need another clue???

Last clue...

*My dad's tackle box...isn't it magnificent?*

Recovering….2/31

That was my motto today, recovering. The morning consisted of breakfast, followed by the park. Came home, Tae watched a movie and painted with watercolors while I chipped away at my never ending homework. After lunch we went with a friend for a walk through the reservoir/woods and Tae picked some wild flowers. She was in constant admiration of the nearby corn field. Then the most amazing thing happened when we got home…I took a shower (I have been on a roll with that one, the whole shower daily club) and then I took a NAP!!!! I took a TWO HOUR NAP…I can’t believe it and even though I still feel significantly exhausted I am slightly energized by the act, if not a little by the sleep too. I got up in time for dinner and now…I am getting ready for bed! Craziness!

I haven’t taken my ‘real’ camera out in weeks. It's awful. I actually went to use it the other day and it had sat so long that the battery had died. I hope to take some pictures tomorrow. Pictures of Tae, pictures of the country, maybe even pictures of Tae in the country (LOL…tired…remember). Even if that is the only task I complete tomorrow (besides a 2k word essay), I think it will be a good day.

Night.

picture at the park this morning, taken with my phone.

I am going to attempt to….

...…Blog everyday for the month of August. The theme is Tomorrow and I think that is a pretty good one. Not every post has to relate to that theme but it is a good one to fall back on when I don’t have much to say ;)

I also want to try and post some candid pictures of Tae (or anything else I find interesting or entertaining) from my phone. I am not sure I will be keeping the fancy data service on my phone much longer. I initially wanted the phone to post instant images, just never got around to it; at this point I better do it while I have the chance. You’ll be able to tell which pictures are from my phone because it adds this stupid message “blah blah blah blackb3rry via T-M0bile” across the bottom of the post. Oh well, I might go back later and delete that message because yes I am that OCD.

I am T.I.R.E.D!!!! Tae has decided she fancies herself as a ROOSTER and wakes up earlier and earlier every day. Our record so far is 5 am, which wouldn’t be so bad if the night didn’t include a 3 am wake up because someone didn’t want to finish their dinner (or they ate everything they could…& by ‘they’ I mean Tae) and is now “STARVING” because they have hollow legs… It wouldn’t be so bad if I hadn’t been up late doing homework or absolutely nothing just to stay up and be defiant. I know you are thinking it can’t be that bad, I should be happy because now she will be tired early and bed time will be smooth sailing…sorry folks…SO not the case. It is like she has started some movement about NEVER sleeping. This girl can apparently go STRONG for 15 hours as N and I walk around like zombies with burning eyes wondering why we can’t go to bed at 6pm. INSANE. I have tried to get her to say “Hi, I’m Tae. I wake up at the crack of dawn” but she isn’t feelin’ it and just says all cute and sweet with a slight touch of ridicule “what??? I just like to wake up with the sun” …already looking forward to winter.

Thanks to Noni and Poppy, Tae and I have traded the heat of the desert for the cool breezes of Iowa…for the next 10 days. We almost missed our flight this morning because I was so tired last night I set the alarm but forgot to turn it ON (I am brilliant). Thank goodness for Tae’s rooster-ness or we would have definitely missed the flight. I am excited to slow down and give Tae some ‘country girl’ time. I never realized what ‘city girl ‘she is…she was shrieking every five minutes on the way home from the airport because she would see a cow, or a sheep, or a horse…which totally exposed her city girl identity.

I love coming back to my little town, always brings back a lot of memories of yesterdays, makes me feel surprisingly young yet extremely old, and I am always happy that it still feels like home. But the yesterdays will all have to wait till TOMORROW because I have to go to bed.