Does ANYONE know....

I am going to add a post with updates from the doctor, I just can't do it right now.

Anything about chronic cough?…we have gone through so many steps to resolve Tae’s health issues and all of them lead us right back to square one. We are going back to the doctor this afternoon, Tae has been coughing non stop all weekend. We are all sleep deprived and just emotionally exhausted. Poor T has been coughing uncontrollably to the point that I am worried she is going to pop out her ear tubes. This poor girl is such a trooper but is just exhausted, she is a go, go, go kinda girl and I can only imagine her warped sense of what feeling good is. So, I was thinking about how over the last (almost) 2 years I have never come across anyone saying “oh, I had a friend who went through that with their child”. I found that a little odd. So people, in all reality this is a small world, and someone has to have been down this road before. I know this blog is not a hot spot or anything but please help, if you know anyone who may have some advice or knowledge on our medical path, send them the link to my blog or post a comment. I am not ashamed to say that we are at our ends and basically are desperate. Help us!!!!!!! Here are the links to our previous posts about what we have done or been through.
My Little Trooper
It's Back
Where We Stand
Tomorrow Is The Big Day
Headed In the Right Direction?

On Another Note.....

Isn't she just sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo darn cute?!!!!!!!!!! Note the anklet....all her doing.

Envy: to desire something possessed by somebody else

Have you ever had the experience that when things in life don’t happen according to your plan, the plan seems to surround you. To be more specific, our plan is more babies. We have been trying off and on for the last few years and continually for this last year. As most of you know we were very excited to end 2007 with the announcement that we were pregnant and then devastated to experience the heartache of losing the baby. So I have taken the last few months to try and heal my heart, to be somewhat OK with what happened. To continually remind myself that everything in life happens for a reason, that there is a blissful baby waiting for me, when the time is right. But it is a hard pill to swallow that it is not my time. It’s just not fair!
I have titled this post “envy” and have chosen this definition because that is how I feel. Two (2) people in my office are pregnant. Two people, who were not trying, have just told me they are pregnant. Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely happy for them but I am also filled to the brim with envy. Not the malicious “I am going to hurt you cause I wanted that first” kind of envy, just the innocent “why not me” kind. I guess it’s a little too in your face for a Monday morning. I wasn’t prepared and my very raw feelings have surfaced.
It was never our intention to have a four year old with out a sibling. I want Tae to have a buddy, not to mention how much she wants to have a sister. She asks about once a week if the baby is back in my belly yet :( talk about a heart pinch.
If you know me, you know that I am not one to openly share my personal feelings, let alone post them on the web, but I need to do something. I am posting this for me, because this is me now, this is how I am “working through it”, I do one of these two things, I either push the whole event to the back of my mind and am then filled with guilt that I would try to forget about a baby that could have been, or was. Or I sit in my little corner of life and obsess. I obsess over everything that I need to change or do differently, I tell myself that it has nothing to do with losing the baby, but I know it has everything to do with the baby, with the fear of going through it all again. So that is how my mind works. How do you fix that?
I know that there are many more devastating events that happen in life and many people have more horrible obstacles to over come. But this is mine, at least for now. This is not my pity party, it’s just my feelings. This is my obstacle and my pain that I need to overcome and hopefully I will grow from the experience in some way. So for now I will try to let go of the obsession and the guilt and I will continue to focus on Tae, on getting her healthy, and on the idea that something great will happen in the future. That the baby I am dreaming about is just waiting for the right time to join us. That it will decide when that time is and when s/he does it will be absolutely perfect.

Water Water Everywhere....

The cough is much better today, almost completely gone, thank goodness. Since we live in AZ it was a little warm today (winter ended about a month ago) and T was eager to get into the water. But she has not been fitted for her fancy ear plugs (poor girl) and she is not allowed to go into the pool without them. So I let her go to town on the patio with the hose, not all of the water stayed on the patio….she did get a good squirt into the house, followed by lots of giggles.

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend :)

Nothing but COUGHING...

We are currently at 36 hours of straight coughing!!! A little frustrated over here!!! I understand that it may be caused by some much needed drainage but I thought that after the surgery it would not irritate her throat as much and thus eliminate the cough. Crappers!!!! We are crossing our fingers that it stops soon, otherwise.....it'll be back to the good ol' doctor. Sorry T.

Wisdom of a Cookie.....

Slug Bug....

I really like this picture of T...funny I know because you can't see her face but when I look at it I can see her big smile anyway. We had a really great day yesterday, and obviously Tae is feeling even better. We do have one issue with one of her ears, but nothing too crazy.

First event of the day was the Art Walk at Tae's school. Very fun, very cute. They displayed work from all the children and then had different stations for the kids to create some more art. I just love T's school and an art walk just makes me love it more. And to think that they would do this on the weekend just shows you how much they love the kids. Here are a few pictures.

Tae also made a tissue paper flower, decorated a cookie, and made a giant butterfly. It was also nice that T got see everyone since she hasn't been in school for over a week. She had lots of hugs to share.

Right after the art walk we went over to watch the boys play their first soccer game. They are the cutest (though they probably would prefer to be called something else). Here is a picture right after the game.

Then we went and had a great breakfast/lunch/brunch at La Grande Orange which is one of my favorite places in town. We ate outside on a picnic table and it was just really nice and relaxing. Then straight home so T could take a power nap.

Later that evening we had a everyone over for dinner, our Aunt B is here and she leaves today so we wanted to have a little get together. Dinner was great and the kids all played and a had a great time. After dinner we went for our traditional walk by the lake. Here are a few Pictures...

So back to the title of this post, Slug Bug. On the way home last night Tae said these two comments, which were both adorable and hysterical...

"When I get big I am going to drive a slug bug car."

Followed by this question...

"So when I am four will I be able to drive myself to school?"

Headed In The Right Direction...

****I sent an email out similar to this post, so for some this may be a repeat.****
I just wanted to let everyone know that Taegan is doing really well. Her surgery went according to the plan and they placed tubes in both of her ears and removed her adenoid, they decided to leave her tonsils in. When the doctor went into her throat to remove the adenoid they discovered that everything was coated with infection (to put it nicely), the adenoid as well as her upper and lower throat. He found the same infection in large quantities in both of her ear drums, which confirms that her sinuses are also impacted with infection, as we saw on the CT scan. He went ahead and flushed her nasal passages out with antibiotics and we are placing antibiotics in her ears daily. She will continue to take oral antibiotics for the next two weeks, which puts us at four consecutive weeks on antibiotics. The entire surgery took a little over an hour.

When Tae started to come out of the anesthesia she had a horrible reaction, it was an experience I would not wish for anyone to encounter. She had what is considered an allergic reaction which caused her to become very violent, she was under the impression that everyone was trying to hurt her and we could not contain her, we were trying to stop her from hurting herself. Five adults could barely contain this 3 year old, she is incredibly strong. So that had to be one of the more horrible experiences of my life, many other details that I won't share. Of course it was not only horrible for me; it was enormously traumatic for Tae. I was told that she would not be able to remember any of it, only to have her ask me about why she was doing those things later that night. It is very hard for a parent to watch their child in such a terrifying state. But, of course the greater pain is/was Taegan's.

Once we were home Tae was able to rest and she felt a lot better once she woke up. She continued to improve as the day progressed. She is eating decent meals now and returning back to her old self, plenty of smiles which are always nice to see. She is still a little tired, sore and emotional, but has truly bounced back faster than we anticipated. We will try to limit her activity for the next two weeks, doctor’s orders, key word is TRY. She is such a trooper and doesn’t like to miss out on anything.

We wanted to thank everyone for your happy thoughts and good wishes. She really is doing very well and we hope that we continue in that direction to have a 100% healthy girl. It has been a long journey and we are happy to finally have some answers. We are going to really focus on getting rid of the rest of the infection in order to avoid the potential of another surgery in six months.

Thank you again for all your well wishes!

Love and smiles,

Me, N & Tae

P.S. I appoligize that it has taken me so long to post an update

Tomorrow is the big day....

....6 am tomorrow morning T will be admitted to the hospital. Things have been going pretty well this past week, we did go back to the ENT on Thursday due to extremely swollen tonsils, and yes she now has tonsillitis as well. But the doctor has decided to leave them in, he said the recovery for someone her age is horrible, so he would rather wait and hopefully they will heal with the removal of the adenoid. Thursday was just a rough day, that night T was really sick vomiting most of the night, it happens every few weeks because of the drainage.
Last night she was having a difficult time sleeping because her ears were hurting and since she is not allowed to take any medication right now, we just had to help her through it. She has been very emotional lately and I think that she is just done, just raw. She has been through a lot and kept a smile on her face the whole time. She is amazing. Sounds crazy, but it really was a good week :)
She had a really good weekend though, was very excited for Delila's birthday, asking about it for days, and had a great time at the party.
So tomorrow is the day, I don't know that N or I will be able to sleep much tonight, but we are mentally prepared for a long week. We have explained to her about the surgery and we revisit it a little each night, she is not feeling OK with the idea but we at least want her to know a little of what is going to happen. She says she is scared, which is understandable, but I don't want her to be scared. I am truly dreading the idea of them taking her away from me for the surgery and teary just thinking of how heart breaking that is going to be. I am going to pack her some of her special comfort items to take, but she won't be able to have them until she is in recovery. I am feeling a little helpless because she is going to be so scared and I won’t be able to do anything. I am glad we going to get this over with and start our journey to a healthy T.

She should be in surgery by 7:30am our time so if you are up, make sure you SMILE for her!

Hey there Delila.....

Happy 1st Birthday Princess!!!

We Love you!!!!!!

I am WORRIED....