Black Curls...and a Basket....

Last night I had a dream…a dream that made me feel so happy and at the same time left me feeling such emotional turmoil. Last night I was in labor (don’t worry it wasn’t painful) and I had three babies…I had THREE BABIES. Only one of them didn’t survive, I never got to see the one that didn’t make it…of course I saw the baby but it had the blurry face and was unrecognizable…I didn’t connect with that baby. The other two, they were beautiful. A boy and a girl…the boy looked like T when she was a baby and the girl, she had a lot of curly black hair. Surprisingly, in my dream, I bounced back to perfect health the next day and was dancing around with my two babes. I remember I was having trouble carrying two infants and I decided to carry them in a wicker basket, all bundled up in their blankies. I carried them around the park, in the basket, while Tae played…all the dark curly hair and all. I remember looking over my shoulder…always looking over my shoulder…and I knew I was looking for my third baby. I don’t remember being sad about the third baby…I think because I was so focused on the two that I had…but I remember feeling like something was missing….I woke up in the middle of the night and knew what I was dreaming about, I was so happy even when I was awake but I quickly went back to sleep to reenter my blissful dream… to get back to my babies. But when I woke up this morning I was filled with that feeling of something was missing…I wasn’t sad but I felt that ache in my chest…the ache that grabs your breath just a little…and I can’t get the picture of my two babies in a basket out of my head….I don’t know if I feel like I am missing the two in the basket or the one I never knew…maybe all three.