Hey you in the maroon truck…

Since I can’t outright accuse you, because I don’t have proof but 98% of me knows it to be true, do you think that maybe you “accidentally” walked up to my front door and mistook my potted plant for your own?

I noticed you in front of my driveway loading some items from our neighbor’s house into the back of your truck. I noticed you walking up my driveway and my dog barking her heart out at the door. Yet for some reason I didn’t open the front door. Maybe it was because your friend’s kids, my neighbors, are continually running in our front yard and playing tag around our cars. Maybe because I am a little desensitized to the noise they emit as the run amok at all hours of the night. But you know what? Maybe it is because it never crossed my mind that someone would steal an item right off my porch!!! Seriously, you pretty much suck!

The plant you did or did not take was a gift. I bought my door mat to match that pot, which I thought was pretty snazzy. I wonder, as you lugged that HEAVY plant to your truck, did you noticed the butterfly nestled in the middle of the palm? Do you like it? It’s pretty isn’t it? It is from my daughter’s first birthday party, the last one I had that was still fully intact. You didn’t realize what a special steal you really stole did you?

I hope you enjoy it, the plant and that sentimental butterfly. I hope it makes your home feel special, that it makes you feel special. Special like a good person might. Because like I said before, you pretty much suck!

PS. If I see your truck next door again, I may or may not walk over to it and check out what’s in the back. You might ask me what I am doing and I will gladly tell you I am just looking for something. I don’t expect to find the plant sitting there, but I will relish in the fact that then you will know that I am aware of what you did. I kind of hope it makes you feel like CRAP!

PPS. If by some slim chance you did not in fact take the plant, then you might just think I am the crazy lady next door. I am OK with that too :)


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