I will HUG you...

The last few days I have been feeling overwhelmed thinking about who our birthmother is (or will be). Thinking about what she is doing right now. I keep wondering if she has made her decision yet. Wondering if she is sad, hoping she isn’t. Is she scared? I can’t help it, I am a caring person. I am a fixer. If I try to put myself in this other woman’s position I start to feel ill. It is unimaginable for me. I think that there are many different interpretations of what type of woman would give her baby up for adoption. Mine would be that it is a selfless woman. Someone courageous, someone whose love is so great for their child, they are willing to remove themselves from the picture and think only of the child. In my heart, that is how I see it.

I wonder if she will read my words and look at our pictures and know that we are the right choice. I hope that when she decides, she feels good about it and doesn’t second guess us, second guess our love. The love we are barely able to contain, the love that is here just waiting for her beautiful baby, for OUR beautiful baby. I wonder and I worry and part of me can’t help but feel sad for her. I hope she has someone to hold her hand, someone to let her know that it will all be OK.

Looking ahead to the day we meet, I can’t imagine going empty handed. Maybe if I have something to give it won’t feel so awkward. Maybe I won’t be so nervous, because I know I will be very nervous. I know that it will be an amazing beautiful day. I know that I will be overjoyed; I will be so grateful and feel so blessed. But I also know that I will feel her sadness, and that will be hard. Will it be odd if I hug her, will she be uncomfortable when I cry? How do I say thank you? Thank you with my whole heart. How do I make sure she knows how much I appreciate her?

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