Today there was a post on the Heart to Heart blog. The post stated that they needed a family for 7 month old twins, one boy & one girl. My heart jumped with excitement and sank with reality all at the same time. I wish they were meant for me, but I knew they weren’t. I immediately emailed our social worker (I couldn't stop myself) and asked for an update on our court case; she informed me that the judge was being “slow.” This just solidified my thoughts that it wasn’t meant to be. I had already placed a call into the agency to find out more information about the babies. I received the return call and felt the little flutter of hope rise in my chest. I thanked the woman for taking the time to talk to me and told her I hoped she didn’t feel I was wasting her time. I told her I just needed to know more about these babies. She was very kind to me on the phone and I am very grateful for that. She told me if it is meant to be, it will happen…which felt bitter sweet as it bounced around in my head. She gave me more information than I needed and I wrote every bit on a piece of paper. When the conversation ended I looked at the words and knew, it wasn’t meant to be.
Tonight I went out for girl’s night with two dear friends. Friends I have known through my childhood. Friends that make me laugh; friends that get me even after years have passed. It was a good night. A night out that I needed, giving me time to feel understood and reconnected. Coming home a few minutes ago I immediately check for the blog post about the babies….and it is gone. Like I said…It wasn’t meant to be….
I am hoping that the post has been removed because they had such an amazing response. I am hoping that they have a stack of amazing families for the birth mother to choose from. I think about balancing two little babies, one in each arm, and I am happy for the mommy (or daddy) who gets to develop that talent. I am happy for them…even though a part of my heart wishes it was me.
I am so glad you posted an update, I've been quite worried after your FB status - I figured it had to be adoption-related and was so worried somehow the whole thing had fallen apart. Knowing the agency, I would say yes, the situation is no longer posted because they got such a response that they feel sure they have great choices for the birthmother to consider. I'm glad the person you talked to was kind and willing to share all the info, that's exactly what I'd expect of them. I'm sorry that things didn't fall into place for you on this one - I had no idea the court thing still hadn't happened, I know that is slower than you had been anticipating. It is easy to say that when it is meant to be it will happen, and I hate cliches when things in life are hard. BUT... Do not give up - you are getting so close and when it does happen (and it WILL), I am sure that you will be thrilled with how it works out. Again, thanks for the update, sending you hugs! (stay warm in our "frigid" summer chill!)
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