90/365...I thought it got me...

I was pulling the sheets and blankets off of the aero-bed (aka our guestroom bed) and feeling really anxious about N finding a scorpion in the hall the other day. I thought for sure there would be a nasty little bug in that room too. As I pulled the bedding I could hear the static crackle and when I finally whipped the last of the linens off the bed I felt a STING on my baby toe!!!! I looked down and this is what I saw....please note it is a dimly lit room....

I thought a scorpion got me!!! I even ran and got a shoe and smacked this STRING several times.

I am SO glad the exterminator is coming back tomorrow!

I needed to laugh at myself tonight. Tough day...blaming it on the hormones!

89/365...fortune teller...

Remember making these as a kid???

88/365...question?

Do you think this lovely drawing looks like a bunny or a donkey???? My vote is for donkey.

87/365...finally...

I don't think I will be very productive the next few days...

86/365...this is all you get...

85/365...she brought the library home…

84/365...round one...

All month I was surprised at how numb I was feeling about this process...maybe I focused too much on why I was numb and as a result I resurfaced the sad. I can’t seem to find a balance. I am either sad or numb. Is there even an in-between in this situation? Is it possible? Am I supposed to be okay with what is happening? I am not entirely surprised that this is the result for this month...it was not the best month regarding schedules and timing...so my expectations were already low. Maybe it is the fact that I was so focused on the low expectations...maybe I thought it would trick me...not expecting a positive result makes the likely hood of a surprise more real...maybe if I pretended it wasn’t going to happen...nature would teach me a lesson, prove me wrong. Not so much though...no new lesson taught here. It is time to move forward...time to mentally prepare for round two....time to forget about the fail...

83/365...Easter Tree...

82/365....

81/365...20 snack packs....

…for the children at the homeless shelter. I try to make them fun...added Easter treats and stickers…and of course a silly drawing on each bag.

80/365...tickle time...

79/365...my monkey girl

Today is a girl day. Dunkin D0nuts for breakfast, a quick errand, the park and then home to play in the backyard. We have been enjoying the Curi0us George soundtrack and singing loudly in the car.

My monkey girl is amazing on the monkey bars! She is too short to reach the bars so she manages to climb up the support bar and shimmy over...I was impressed :)

N has my laptop in CA and I don't like using the other computer for pictures. Sorry to keep posting phone pictures...just a few more days. I will also post pics from Dland when N gets back.

Enjoy your day! It's a beautiful one here!!!

78/365...snack :)

77/365

Take out and a movie...these girls are tired...

76/365...

75/365...

74/365...

73/365...M-I-C-K-E-Y...

We are watching the fireworks from our hotel room. Tomorrow we hit the park. To quote Tae "this is the most coolest place on earth" :)

72/365

Today we went to the art show in old town…we were lucky enough to have Grammy and Nana to spend the afternoon with us.

Here are a few pictures of tae enjoying…

Serious skills...

She is sitting inside the 'E'...

71/365...a gift for ME...

My talented friend Em sent me these awesome earrings today…the picture with my phone does not do them justice…check out her new website to see all the goodies she is making. LeatheR FeatheR & CHaiN. I am so excited to wear mine!!!!

70/365...love...

Today this little girl was sad…her daddy went on a trip and she cried and cried for him. I remember doing this when I was little…I know how it feels. Made my heart hurt that she was so sad…but it was also VERY sweet…I am happy she loves her daddy so.

She does also LOVE her mommy so I did manage to make her smile…

69/365...hmmm...

…what to say???

I have been trying to process this and stay positive. Trying really hard to not feel discouraged and defeated…just a bump in the road…hmmm....

My car seems to have a hole in the oil pan. It appears that I tuned it off in time and avoided any damage to the engine…just a little hole in the oil pan and a huge hole in my wallet.

I am tired. It has been a long week so far. I have been spending a lot of time in the car….

Leaving on Sunday for a trip…Tae has no idea…it’s a surprise. I am really excited.

I wanted to get a picture of the donkey statue in the neighbor’s yard…every time I went out to take the picture someone would come out of the house…I felt stupid and would go inside. Maybe tomorrow.

Night.

68/365...it was a good day...

67/365...made me feel better...

Wouldn’t that yummy goodness make you feel better too???

The nurse also called and proved me wrong…thank goodness :) No more hormones this month!!! The first round did their job and we are all systems go…time to get down to business…LOL.

I guess news like this would answer my previous question…I am doing this to myself because it could work!

running on empty...

Sometimes I wonder what it is that I am doing to myself.

Today was my ultrasound to see if the first dosage of hormones were successful. I have a pretty strong instinct that they were not. My doctor and the office tech are on spring break this week…so I had to go to the image lab to have the ultrasound done. It wasn’t physically painful…I feel like they are old news now…but emotionally it was tough. The last time I had this done was in the hospital during my miscarriage. I did not think they were going to do the exact same procedure (minus the catheter of course). Even though this time I was not dealing with the emotions, pain and shock of losing a child…it was still intrusive and stressful…basically the same and I found my mind wondering what I am doing, why would I reenact this scene??? I was continually giving myself a pep talk that I can do this…it’s only three months. Just think, in the end we could have a baby. I was constantly scanning the tech’s face for any signs of what she saw…any indication that the news would be good or bad. I wasn’t anticipating it to affect me this way. I didn’t think twice about going, sang in the car on the way up there and even enjoyed my trashy waiting room magazine. But now, I just feel really vulnerable…maybe a little lost too. I used to associate an ultrasound with something amazing…they were exciting…happy...providing a picture of your new life. Now, they are just scary…empty…violating…and they make me sad.

I hoping the nurse calls soon to give me the plan…I am running on empty over here.


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66/365...missing a key...

...my car key.

The day involved…lots of rain…canceled soccer games…canceled craft shows…”STOP do not drive” warnings from my car…leaking oil…and having my car towed. I am super stressed out about the car…think positive thoughts.

I am so happy that Sandra B won!!! Great speech…I cried.

Night…I have to get up at 6 to take N to work so I can have his car for the day… I have Dr appointment in the morning….so I have no other choice.

65/365...I am...

64/365

Just another Friday night...too busy crafting it up to stop and blog! :)

63/365...spindle girl...

I am sad I cut off her fingers in this picture. It is getting really difficult to get a picture of Tae these days. She has developed a theory that she must move constantly in order to pose for the camera. Even in this picture she was completely focused on how she was going to position her feet….causing her to sway…as a result every picture is fingerless. This is her spindle girl we made today. I have been working on items for the show all day which usually sparks Tae’s desire to start a project too. She has a craft book that she loves…the only problem is the materials needed to make any of the projects are a little ridiculous…not items you find around the house…at least not my house. This is the one we had the supplies for…right now she is nameless….but cute.

Off to tie dye…night.

63/365...picture day...

...at school. I think I might like this one better :)

Today we tried a different gymnastics studio. It went really well and we may have found a class that Tae is willing to take. I have one more trial class for her and then we will pick the best fit…she says she has already made up her mind…which is probably right…strong willed child.

I registered T for first grade. Her school offers preregistration for current students and I did not want to take a chance at losing our spot. Did you read that right? I registered my baby for first grade…almost in tears over here typing that. first grade.

I laugh a little when Tae tries to tell me a story or recap something she saw…she mentions the little details like I do….

“The boy… The one with the red shirt on and the flip flops…he had marker on his
face.” “The girl…she had the shoes on that I wore to school the other day. She
played on the monkey bars with me…the little clip in her hair…you know that
girl?”

…Odd little details like her mama.

I have been a bit of a hot flash-mood swing-joy to the world lately. Fun stuff.

Night

61/365...just one more book...

60/365...shoes of choice...