All month I was surprised at how numb I was feeling about this process...maybe I focused too much on why I was numb and as a result I resurfaced the sad. I can’t seem to find a balance. I am either sad or numb. Is there even an in-between in this situation? Is it possible? Am I supposed to be okay with what is happening? I am not entirely surprised that this is the result for this month...it was not the best month regarding schedules and timing...so my expectations were already low. Maybe it is the fact that I was so focused on the low expectations...maybe I thought it would trick me...not expecting a positive result makes the likely hood of a surprise more real...maybe if I pretended it wasn’t going to happen...nature would teach me a lesson, prove me wrong. Not so much though...no new lesson taught here. It is time to move forward...time to mentally prepare for round two....time to forget about the fail...
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