Should I kick this habit…or do I need to start ordering in bulk…do they carry these at C*stco??? I had this idea in my head that once we achieved (this what seems like impossible pregnancy) I would keep it to myself so that I wouldn’t have to discuss if the unmentionable happened again…but then I realized…one, I already posted on here that I was starting the ovulation pills (not to mention I said I was trying to get pregnant and you all are pretty smart) and two, that if I did that I wouldn’t have anyone to fall back on. I have to say that I am not pregnant…I think the beginning of this post is a bit misleading (sorry) and I feel like I am grasping for something that is not there. I feel really bad because I know N is a little freaked out about me…he says he can see me about to burst and honestly I think I am about to. The combination of the trip to Vietnam and my personal emotions in regards to babies has really done a number on me. I am a blubbering mess that seems to be coming loose at the seams. I think I am doing a fairly good job of keeping it together…but my heart is just a mess...I can't seem to breathe. If you haven’t been to an orphanage or you haven’t at least looked at my pictures of the kids….I am sorry but you will have no idea what I am talking about. If you haven’t had an empty spot in your heart and your life…you won’t understand either. I always pride myself on what a strong person I am, sister and I are strong girls…but I am feeling defeated continually. If peeing on a stick makes me feel better…momentarily…since they always say “NO”…I am going to keep on peeing, because I need that moment, even if I feel let down in the end. While jokes are funny and I am the first to make them…this REALLY sucks!Thursday, November 6, 2008
Pricey Habit
Should I kick this habit…or do I need to start ordering in bulk…do they carry these at C*stco??? I had this idea in my head that once we achieved (this what seems like impossible pregnancy) I would keep it to myself so that I wouldn’t have to discuss if the unmentionable happened again…but then I realized…one, I already posted on here that I was starting the ovulation pills (not to mention I said I was trying to get pregnant and you all are pretty smart) and two, that if I did that I wouldn’t have anyone to fall back on. I have to say that I am not pregnant…I think the beginning of this post is a bit misleading (sorry) and I feel like I am grasping for something that is not there. I feel really bad because I know N is a little freaked out about me…he says he can see me about to burst and honestly I think I am about to. The combination of the trip to Vietnam and my personal emotions in regards to babies has really done a number on me. I am a blubbering mess that seems to be coming loose at the seams. I think I am doing a fairly good job of keeping it together…but my heart is just a mess...I can't seem to breathe. If you haven’t been to an orphanage or you haven’t at least looked at my pictures of the kids….I am sorry but you will have no idea what I am talking about. If you haven’t had an empty spot in your heart and your life…you won’t understand either. I always pride myself on what a strong person I am, sister and I are strong girls…but I am feeling defeated continually. If peeing on a stick makes me feel better…momentarily…since they always say “NO”…I am going to keep on peeing, because I need that moment, even if I feel let down in the end. While jokes are funny and I am the first to make them…this REALLY sucks!
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I'm thinking of you everyday-seriously. You ARE strong strong strong, but it's okay to feel little and delicate too. I can understand how hard it all is on you-you have such tenderness. By the way-get your Preg tests at the dollar store-only a $1 each!! (if you can't find them, I'll send them to you) Trust in your body, heart, your husband and that amazing little girl you have-that is all I can think to say. And that I love you...
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