According to Webster…hope: to cherish a desire with anticipation.
As a survival tactic I know that I am refusing myself the ability to get excited about a baby…It sounds awful but it really is necessary. I do feel a little bitter at times that our situation has robbed me of the joy of excitement….But as the definition states…I do still cherish my desire. I often feel like I am excited, but have realized that it is hope that I am feeling. Since we have not made it far enough that a baby is a true reality…Since our situation has not changed enough that we can get excited without the fear of devastation…Since I am trying to protect myself…I am happy that we have hope. Hope is powerful…Hope makes me smile.
Love the pic! Been meaning to check in with you - do NOT give up hope. It's going to happen for you, I absolutely KNOW that. The path can be so, so discouraging and painful - I've never forgotten the setbacks I had, but the path will develop somehow, somewhere.
ReplyDeleteAhhh, I love this post...not for the hard parts, but b/c I have this figurine and I rec'd it at a very low point. A friend gave it to me when I was losing hope during the second half of the wait for Matty. Like Stacy said, it WILL happen. Hope is a powerful thing.
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